Sunday, December 20, 2009

Creepy Christmas Creations

We have no little kids in the house anymore. This means there is no frantic pre-Christmas shopping, and no anticipation of the palpable excitement of Christmas morning. I miss that. I miss the plastic smells of new toys at Christmas, and I get to thinking about all the toys that marked each season in my own childhood and my kids too.

I always thought Sea Monkeys were creepy as a kid, but I was strangely drawn to them. I remember them big and bold, the whole family on display on the back page of the Betty and Veronica comic books. They looked like proper families – people’s torsos on mermaid bodies. I wanted them so badly but they were only available by mail order. I vaguely remember my whiny pleas and my parents insistence that they would buy no such thing and that I was wasting my breath.

Sigh. Sea Monkeys were marketed as real live pets, but people said they were just plastic. I so wanted to believe they were real. I imagined how I would have hours of fun watching the human-like family interacting in a fishbowl…

Over the years, many creepy toys have been marketed to our kids. From Furbies ‘intelligent toys built to learn and grow each time you interacted with them’, to My Twinn Doll, custom ordered to look exactly, eerily like each little girl. There is something very wrong about this.

Back in my day there were Creepy Crawlers, home made gelatinous insects that we indulged with morbid curiousity, and Teddy Ruxpin, the psycho looking bear with the blind stare and monotone voice.


There was Simon, the sci-fi looking console that made you feel like you were communicating with the Battleship enterprise, eminating creepy tones to lit up segments you bashed out in sequence…








There have been numerous anatomically correct peeing dolls, including Baby Wee Wee, that I’m sure I had… and recently there was the craze of the Tickle Me Elmo.


This year, there is really no imagination in the created hype over Chinese hamsters called Zhu Zhu Pets. Big yawn. I hear that they’ve sold out, there have been reported riots in Walmart stores, and some evil grinchly entrepreneurs are extorting huge sums from brainwashed parents on ebay…

BUT what I happened upon today takes the cake for the creepiest toy ever. It gives me one of those, ‘what is the world coming to’ shudders.

It is a new toy that looks more like something in a sci-fi flick about a world where cloning and android beings have taken over fully.

But it is being marketed today. It’s called Genpets TM, and the ‘catchy’ tag line is: “MASS PRODUCED, BIO ENGINEERED PETS, IMPLEMENTED TODAY”… WTF??!!

Reading their website, I don’t even know where to begin with the creepy factor.

You have to see this site to believe it. The RFQ say that these ‘pets’ (that look like badly designed plush toys) actually feel pain, have blood, muscle and tissue and bleed if cut. What?!



And eerily like the marketing of Sea Monkeys, the makers claim they have a special technology that keeps the lifeform in a state of limbo, like a coma until you take ownership and spark them to life.

Writing this inspired me to look into the whole Sea Monkey mystery, to cure that childhood curiousity once and for all. Thanks to the Internet and the Sea Monkey’s official website, I now know that they are nothing more than a tiny species of brine shrimp. What a let down.

And the Genpet? I can only hope they are the hoax of the season.

_____________________________________________________________________


Update. My faith in humanity has been temporarily restored – the Genpet is indeed an elaborate farce. A school project taken to the extreme. Taken to the Internet, for naïve surfers like me to happen upon and worry that the world has slipped into a sci-fi nightmare. I think I need to get outdoors more.
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94 comments:

Land of shimp said...

Holli, I had already heard about this hoax, and as I was reading was preparing to try and ease your mind :-) I'm glad you found out because it really does sound like a way to raise a serial killer, doesn't it?

I remember "Baby Alive", a baby doll you could feed some pink mush, and then out it would come into a diaper. Kind of like a more disgusting version of the Wee-Wee Baby. Of course, it was all the rage, but it was swiftly discovered that the pink mush would only cause a bug infestation in the doll's stomach. Icky, but at nine, I wanted one (and lived in disappointment that it was not mine).

There is a Youtube video on how to make a zhu-zhu out of some fur fabric, and a remote control car. A discovery made by some fully desperate parent.

My son is nineteen so like you, no more toy crazes. I sometimes miss the child-like excitement. Then I remember searching for the blasted White Ranger all over creation, and am content with a more laid back Christmas.

Oh...except for the fact that I've got a five and ten year old nephews, and got the call "Can you find any Zhu Zhus for me?"

I paid a king's ransom for a freaking hamster toy.

LMJ said...

Oh my goodness!!! Those are some creepy toys!! I don't remember seeing any of those! The worst for me has to be baby wee-wee. Oh my gawd!!! That's just wrong!! I mean, I understand that kids are real and want to know why dolls don't have a thingy, but that's just plain weird. I don't know.

Matthew said...

I'm glad they're a hoax too. How skincrawlingly strange.

I remember Simon and Sea Monkeys. Now it seems that the queues are stretching out of the surfwear shops and not the toy shops. Sign of the times - or maybe it's just the circles I move in.

The pale observer said...

Land of shimp - sometimes I think I live in the middle of nowhere (but then I remember I do!) - as I come upon these stories after everyone else..

I agree it's kind of nice not having to do the toy craze thing anymore. Can't believe you found Zhu zhus!!!

LMJ - did you grow up in the 80's? Surely not if you don't remember Sea Monkeys and Simon! I agree baby wee wee was weird, but I'm sure I had an anatomically correct boy something like that. Creepy.

Matthew - did you know about the Genpet hoax before me too?

Definitely your perceptions are based on the age of your children!

Thanks for all the comments!

Dutch donut girl said...

Yuck! What a great way to scare your child to death :) Creepy with a capitol C.

Jungle Mom said...

Thank God it is a farce...freaked me out!

Cate P said...

omg, you just took me back several decades...sea monkeys, Betty and Veronica... feeling all nostalgic now. Might go see if I can find my old slinky and coca-cola yo-yo....

Raine said...

I almost had a heart attack reading about GENPETS. I did NOT hear about this. Thank goodness its only a hoax.

Wendy T said...

Hi Holli,
Thank you very much for the comment on my blog, I am so glad you found my blog so that I can in return read yours! It reminds me so much of our years spent in Zambia!! I would be very happy to do a blog link to your blog!!
Have a Merry Christmas!!
Wendy

The pale observer said...

Donut Girl. Jungle Mom, Raine - I was very disturbed about the Genpets thing - I made my son do some google searches as I just couldn't believe it. was so relieved it was a fake!!!

Thanks Wendy - linked you now!

Cate P - My mom found my old Simon game in a spare bedroom cupboard recently - made me fly back through the years!I do miss the cheesy 80's!!

Solvang Sherrie said...

I had a Simon! I'd forgotten about those. I had Baby Alive, too, only she was kind of gross and creepy in my opinion. Not as creepy as the Genpet. Glad that's a hoax!

Janet said...

your update is a relief!!

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Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

That is SO creepy! Glad to see it was a hoax. Though I have to say, I'm not on board with the peeing dolls either.

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Christmas Creations said...

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