Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Apple turnovers are NOT sweet

Apple computers are renowned for their reliability. They don’t freeze, they don’t crash. They make PC’s look like crippled dinosaurs. (All of these statements are up for debate, but are not the core topic of my rant).

So when JW and I got matching Macbook Airs, we looked forward to the carefree ease of working with the Mac operating system, on these slim, slick new devices. And it started off well! It boots up in 30 seconds and closes down in 3! It has adorable icons and finger scroll features I love!

I had always coveted these, since I first saw one – slim as a notebook and that cool metallic class… almost sexy I tell you. JW sees computers as he does all gadgets. He personifies them and gives them a peck now and then. He cleans them almost compulsively and makes sure all updates are current. He claims you must love and speak to your machines for them to respond and work for you. And his machines work for him. Seemingly forever. When he hands something down years later it looks brand new, no scratches, no apparent wear and tear. He even keeps all the boxes and manuals. I’ve written about his gadget mania here.

But today we are talking about me. About the complete opposite. I see machines as a means to an end. I need to do e-mails for work, I love to write and surf the net – a computer lets me do that. Thanks computer. But kiss it? C’mon. Even my sexy MacAir, which I love, is still just a computer.

I am beginning to believe there is something in JW’s theories though. I’ve had this machine for a few months. In that time it has experienced a myriad of bizarre glitches and freezes from time to time without explanation. Sometimes it flips. Goes crazy and starts calling me names. Then it’s functions break down one by one… If I cuddled it, would it be nicer?

There is another popular theory (in my household) that electronics are allergic to me. That I emit some sort of evil radioactivity that cripples them temporarily in my presence.
Only when I hold the TV remote does it get stuck on a channel, and the only fix is a complete shut down, reset… When I had a PC I easily blamed all the mysterious happenings on the inferiority of the software/hardware. Now that excuse is gone…
JW’s Macbook has only ‘misbehaved’ twice, and I was present both times. He was not amused.

Should I feel powerful or cursed? Special or freakish?

All I know is that I’ve stopped reporting all the bizarre things that happen with me and the electronics around us. It’s become my dirty little secret. My private little hell. I secretly wonder if I should choose the back seats in airplanes, just so I don’t inadvertently tamper with the cockpit electronics…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to break my diet with some red red for lunch.
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20 comments:

LMJ said...

I don't like Apple computers myself. I love PC's--only because I pretty much know what to do when they crash. LOL!

I've had an apple before, and the experience to me was not that much better than a PC. This is my third laptop with Windows and I love it.

Apples are great if you're trying to do lots of secured stuff and dont want to be invaded or something. Apples are not more secured or anything, it's just that not very many hackers have Apple skills and there are millions of hackers that are very skilled with PC. That's it. They don't have enhanced security or anything.

Still, Apples do start up faster and the graphics are sometimes better.

posekyere said...

LMSAO!
Your internal electronics must be far superior to all the ones around you. Some thing has got to give when you show up.
You are the boss and the MacAir recognizes that fearful fact! Lol

TheChicGeek said...

LOL, Hollie :)

I, too, am electronically challenged. I loved this post! Thanks for making me smile this morning!

Hugs from Sunny California :)

Kelly

Sankofa said...

Haha! I feel for you but this is still funny. I don't get all the apple hype either btw. I just think they're slicker than PCs but they all do the same thing anyway!

blunt edges said...

guess i'm like u when it comes 2 electronics! they just have to crash somehow!

n red red eh? aren't u supposed 2 be on a diet??? :P

The pale observer said...

@LMJ - Despite my inherent problems, I have to say I'm an Apple convert...

@posekyere - thanks for seeing me as special instead of a freak! :)

@ GeekChick - it's good to know I'm not the only one who is challenged in this regard.

We're both in sunny places, which is great, since most of the North Americans I know are heading into the yuck of cold winter...

@Sankofa - I used to say that until I saw how quick they boot up and down!! So convenient.

@blunt - shhhh - don't tell! It's only cheating when someone points it out! :)

Matthew said...

I'm with LMJ on this - except I know a lot less about computers than she does, so I glossed over the odd point she made.

Other than that; couldn't agree more!

The pale observer said...

Only before owning an Apple can you say this....

LiLu said...

Thank you for this. I have always coveted Macs, but I most absolutely suffer from the exact same affliction (power?) as you... therefore, I think I'm better off beating on my $300 refurbished PC. Sigh.

Someday I'll grow up and be able to have nice things.

Melissa King Murphy (I can talk like a pirate and take my own photo) said...

I suffer from the same affliction!

OdetteO said...

I believe in those magnetic fields. I worked in an office with a woman who was the opposite - any electrical device she touched magically started working again. I don't mean she always knew how to fix them, I mean she just TOUCHED them & they were fine. So it stands to reason other people would have the opposite polarity.

Maybe your special energy is really, really good for something else, but you just haven't figured out what it is yet. :)

The pale observer said...

In the beginning I thought this theory would be shot down in flames... but it looks like I'm not the only one. Let's band together and make a superhero troop!

Solvang Sherrie said...

I still love my Mac. It has put up with a lot of abuse from me. Even though I dropped it, only the hard drive got scrambled. I put a new one in and the computer still works great! Amazing!

The pale observer said...

My son apparently dropped his new Macbook Pro 15", judging by the major dint... but it is completely fine. I think they are strong machines.. but nothing seems to compare to my magnetic field power...

Captain Dumbass said...

I love my Mac. It's not quite as perfect as Mac lovers like to boast, but it's still head and shoulders better than being stuck with Microsoft anything. And so much prettier.

And it may well be you. My grandmother never wore watches because they stopped working when she put them on, digital or quartz.

Not that I'm implying you're a freak or anything.

GutsyWriter said...

I'm like you, my computer is a tool. I don't nurture it, and rely too much on my husband to fix problems with it. All I do is vacuum dust from the front, whenever I clean my kitchen and hope that's enough to keep it going.

Anissa said...

That must be some magnetic energy you're carrying around! ;) Someday you'll find the true purpose of the force within you. Meanwile, I think some red red might just be the answer.

The pale observer said...

@Captain - yes, Macs are great and pretty and are almost perfect (except when near me).

As far as watches go, the metal disagrees with me... I MUST be a freak!

@Gutsy Writer - yep! my hubby does all the updates and downloads and even the weekly cleaning of screen and keyboard. I just plug away at the keys!!!

@Anissa - you've got the right idea! Tonight I go for another Ghanaian specialty - tilapia fish with banku... will maybe write a post about that later!

Mary R said...

wow... I'm just in awe that you have a computer in Ghana... when I lived in Namibia in the mid 90s, we were so technologically and socially deprived. In fact, the internet sort of took off in the states while we were there. I often wonder how the whole experience would have been if I had been able to blog about it... instead, I had to write rambling letters that took a month to get home, or maybe not ever...

My one and only computer breakdown ever recently was an apple...

julochka said...

i have no trouble with my iMac or Macbook Pro, but i do know exactly what you mean...for me tho', it's watches. i totally stop watches. and i think it's a magnetic field.

finally, 12 years ago, i found a guess watch with two watch faces on it and it's the first watch i've had that never stopped. the original batteries did, however, last for EIGHT YEARS. so the magnetic field worked in my favor.

or so i believe.

you may be my bloggy soulmate....

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